i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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