somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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