i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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