So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
