He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
