Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
