Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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