my soul wont recognize me after tonight
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
