I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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