please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
