I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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