My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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