I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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