I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
