Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
