He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
