are you still at the devil's house?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We smell like vodka and hangover
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