Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
