no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
