well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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