the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
