If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
