I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
