No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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