that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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