I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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