Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
