After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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