Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
