It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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