I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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