Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
