Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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