1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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