Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
be right there i have to get my cape
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
