You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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