So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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