WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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