my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
