I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
