I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
