dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
