I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
