I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
