yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
