I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
