i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
