We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
