I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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