What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
