Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
